I Just Want To Be Good

About work.

Remember in my previous post i mentioned about my second boss? She now turns to me whenever she needs an ear to listen to all her ranting. Truth be told, i don’t want to lend this precious ears of mine because at some point of time, from just listening can initiate to ghibah. Ghibah is backbiting which i hate a lot.

Ghibah can be addictive sometimes. But somehow, after two years dragging my feet everyday and working my ass off here, i managed to screw that addiction up. I hate talking about other person or people behind their back because i sayang all my pahala will be all going to the person i back bite’s amal account.

How do i tell her off next time ?

Pikir pikir pikir


A Not So Comeback



I’m still alive.

It’s fasting month now. I’m pretty much surviving. The only thing that did not survive is my English. It is getting worst each day as i have no time to read (between, i dont really like to read since i was little punnnn), no one to speak English with and practically living in denial that English is no longer important in my life.

A lil update about me.

I was promoted to one as a head of my sector. Posted to a new department which I would like to call Department of Two Faces. There are 30 head counts under my supervision and i  i don’t really like it. I don’t feel comfortable here even though it is almost two years i’m here. Yes, I have very limited choice. Mana boleh pilih aku nak kerja kat mana.

Bos aku, no 2 perempuan. Bos no. 1 lelaki. Aku suka bos lelaki. Sebab dia jenis rileks. Buuuttt, he’s a newly appointed director. The first time he called me to mengadap he told me about all bad remarks he received from some staffs here. Belum pun kenal aku, dah berbakul2 dia dengar benda yang tak elok pasal aku. Terima kasih semua sebab mengumpatkan aku. Berat sikit dacing belah kanan ni.

Aku pun bos jugak. Tapi bos kecik. Aku garang dan aku strict. So orang tak suka. Aku tak suka mengumpat so it makes me quite terkeluar from the group. I’m from a different scheme so it pretty much worsen my hope to make me feel like one of them. Contohnya… aku ni kuda. diaorang pun kuda. Tapi aku zebra… diaorg kuda bendang… jadi macam tak berapa nak sama.

Apa lagi aku nak cakap ni…

nanti2 lah… Islam does not encourage us to talk shit during Ramadhan.

So i will write again soon. 3 tahun lagi kot…


Breaking the Ice

Last night we had a fight.

 I finally lost my mind when i threw my 11 Minutes book I intended to read when I’m answering the nature’s call. I don’t know why my husband suddenly get irritated with what i’m going to do.  Selama ni pun memang aku selalu sangat bawak leaflet SOGO, IKEA or kadang-kadang buku Impiana tu utk mudahkan my business in the loo. But i never told him those. I mean, takkan nak bagitau:

“yang, i bawak leaflet sogo ye masuk toilet, nak mudahkan berak”

I mean? Seriously, must i tell him about it or mintak izin just to have my private time?

The fight started with the whatsapp issue.

He claimed i am too obsessed with whatsapp that i text everyone in my list whenever i can. Well, frankly i don’t get to whatsapp during office hjur because the network at my office is terrible. Secondly, i only whatsapp during lunch break or while i am in the meeting as those are the time is accessible to network and meeting? who doesn’t get bored during long hours meeting?. thirdly, chatting through whatsapp with my office colleagues, the groups from my squadmate and dept really make me happy. So why can’t he be happy with what i’m doing?

I really feel that he has taken me for granted. Sebelum kawin dulu bukan main lagi jaga aku. Dulu sebut je sakit kepala dia lah manusia yang sampai dulu just nak bawak aku pi klinik or rub my back. But now, kepala macam nak pecah kena migrain jangan harap nak rub my back, kalau boleh dia nak aku mampus cepat-cepat kot.

Owh! this is reality. I have to agree with those opinions yang lepas kawen jangan harap la boleh bermanja. Or lepas kawen everything is different. IT IS SO SO TRUE!!

Kita perempuan try our best to give our husband the best. We try to be expressive in everything but please jangan harap sangat la to get reciprocation. Sangat bertuah kalau perempuan tu dapat husband macam tu.

I did ask him once, where is the old you sayang? the one who cares so much about me? the one who let me touch him whenever i want? the one who is so romantic and loving?

And man… being a man. He just kept quiet and leave me with no answer until today.

So, sayang please don’t blame me if i look for a cheap entertainment like whatsapp. You hardly talk to me these days so let me talk to my group of friends who’s willing to listen.


I hate my office culture.

Aku keluar breakfast dengan bos aku hari hari pun pikir aku ada skandal. Kang aku bercinta betul betul dengan bos aku tu baru kiamat dunia.

They are just being nosy and have less work to do.


Kalau tiba-tiba korang stumble upon this pathetic blog and read whatever i wrote here and hate me… by all means do so.

AKu bukan menulis untuk dapat simpati atau dapat komen from any of you.

Aku tulis apa yang aku rasa. I have my inner voice. I have my own set of problems.

Tolong jangan sibuk nak bagi tazkirah atau nasihat nasihat ulung ala ala ustazah bahyah.

I don’t need those!

So what i’m trying to say, it’s better for you not to say anything at all, because what i’m writing here has got nothing to do with you.